Guns and Glory



My name is Justice, and I am the Angel of Implementation.  How can I best describe my job to you?   When the Creator gives an order, I’m the one that gets it done.  Let’s just say that, up here, I’m the “Go To Guy”.

My latest assignment began in a most peculiar way.  One morning, I suddenly found myself  sitting on Cloud Nine . In truth, I was a bit nervous, having been summoned to this high station by none other than the boss’s assistant. As I sipped my morning latte (heavenly tasting stuff) I sensed that something  big was coming down.

No sooner had the thought crossed my mind when, a brilliant light emerged from above and gradually took the form of the CEA (Creator’s Executive Assistant) herself.  Splendidly arraigned as always, she came straight to the point.  The boss, she informed me, has become very upset with the human race again.  Hmmm, the human race. Oh yes, those peculiar bipeds on planet Earth.  What kind of mischief are they up to this time?

They’re not just any bipeds cautioned the CEA.  Don’t forget they’ve been endowed with reason, logic, and moral sensibility.  Furthermore, they have the capacity to live the very highest type of life intended by the Creator.  That’s true I said but from the implementation standpoint they give me much more trouble than the soil bacteria on Mars.  What have they done this time? Well, said the CEA, the political class of their species is blocking less privileged  humans from the right to self-defense.

What?  I sat bolt upright.  Everyone in our realm knew that throughout the cosmos the Creator NEVER created a species without the right to meaningful self-defense.  On earth, species with teeth and claws were equally balanced by those with horns and hooves.  Why even plants, who lead unconscious lives, are still endowed with camouflage and chemicals so they can endure under competitive  circumstances.  For heaven’s sake, and now I’m speaking literally, even bacteria have the right to self-preservation.

How then could anyone deny self-defense to Humanity, the pinnacle of the Creator’s efforts? That’s precisely what has the Creator so upset, sighed the CEA.  I’ve even seen him reach for a thunderbolt once or twice.  After all, it was He who gave the human race a remarkable brain to compensate for the fact that Man is slower and weaker than many animals of similar size.

This brain permits him to fashion tools. Naturally, some of these tools become the weapons that Man relies upon to defend himself.  The problem, continued the CEA, is that it’s these weapons that the Confiscators  are out to get.

I had heard about the Confiscators before.  Most of them were tyrants but others were seemingly well-intentioned. The latter argued that defensive weapons, most specifically guns, were subject to misuse and at times might harm the innocent.  Nevertheless, I knew that despite the fact that creatures of the same species might bite, claw, and gore one another, they still are forbidden by the Creator from removing these “natural weapons” from either themselves or their rivals.

What would happen if ordinary humans were deprived of guns, I asked the CEA?   Suddenly, everything around me became dark.  Behold, she said.  And before me I saw a ghastly vision: Piles upon piles of human corpses.  Prior to death, they had been starved, beaten, raped and tortured.  Even young children with innocent, uncomprehending eyes.

But . . . but . . . Why? I asked, somewhat shaken. The CEA put a comforting wing around my shoulder.  All lacked the means of self-defense, she said sadly.  Remember, it’s the Creator’s intent to endow all of mankind with the right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.  However, these rights can never be secure as long as tyrants and the misguided flout the laws of God and Nature.  With that, she smiled at me in her very serene way and slowly disappeared in a cloud of flickering golden light.

Suddenly, my mission became clear.  I am Justice!—the Angel of Implementation.  I change things!  Instinctively, I knew I was on my way to Earth.  But where on earth, and to whom?  Across my visage, the words slowly appeared:  Doctors for Responsible Gun Ownership.  I headed in their direction.



Wallace Schwam, MD is a retired internist with interests in geriatrics and pharmacology who trained at Duke University. He rated expert in marksmanship in the Army and continues to enjoy hunting and tactical training with handgun, rifle and shotgun. 

All DRGO articles by Wallace Schwam, MD